The.Pink.Attic

Chiong some work, killed a few hundreds of zombies, met up with a couple of friends.

And had a big fight with my brother.

yeah, so he hates me now. What’s new right. I should hate him too. He threw a cup at me which shattered at my feet. I was so pissed I lose my cool. Like for the first time in a long long time, seriously lose all my sense and screamed my head off at him. My dad had to pull me away and ask me to ‘cool down’. (yes, he said “cool down”. and he had never use english with us)

I was not pissed off because he threw his cup at me. I was pissed off because of the way he just lose his temper like that. Like it was all my fault. He was not angry at me, he was angered at something else and he choose to vent that frustration at me. I was pissed because he dont feel remorseful. I was disappointed that he just think that im a “bitchy” sister to him despite all that i did for him.

Yes, i may not be the best sister around. I admit i’m not. But if i have asked myself, i cared for you. I have worried for you. I had tried to seek solutions when you met with troubles. 

I don’t need to list all the things that I did, in light and in dark. I dont even need your thanks for them. If you had just a bit appreciate what I did, i would have been more than happy. Apparently, you don’t even have that bit of appreciation.

Never mind. I did my best. I realized it’s impossible to try to help someone who doesnt want to help himself. You can do this all you want. self-destruction, self-torture. Whatever. 

Feels like it’s what I want for now, yet it’s all so wrong. 

I’m like having this internal struggle. To do it, or not do it. To continue or just stop it while I can.

Darn.